Is there such thing as a blog post book club? A thing where you read a blog post and it speaks to you and resounds with all the things you want to say that you want to share it with everyone and shake the information into them. So that they say "yes! this is the TRUTH and yes it sucks but I hear it." So that it goes beyond their eyeholes and really sinks in, not just something they read that their sister posted about how hard it is to be a woman.
I want to join it!
The first meeting would be about this post: https://www.renegademothering.com/2020/01/20/motherhood_invisible_labor/
Can we discuss this or at least acknowledge the realness?! Because when you read a book and then discuss it you just talk about how it made you feel or what you came away with. You don't expect there to be absolute answers or momentous change. And seriously, this shit is not going to change so we might as well vent our little teapots of steam before we lose our minds. And we can read it, feel better and then know that others feel this way too...
Here are the parts worth repeating for me:
"The truth is I move from resignation to gratitude to rage and back again. I look for words in stolen moments. I give up again. I ask somebody and nobody, “When the fuck did all of this become my job?”
This is exactly how I feel a lot of the time and more heightened now that I've moved. I'm floating around like a balloon with all the emotions bumping into things so they get done in time but still full inside.
"The most difficult part of talking about the unequal division of domestic labor is that there’s no way to do it without making your husband sound like an asshole. There’s no way to talk about the bulk of the invisible labor on your shoulders without implicating the person you’ve partnered with, are happy with, and love, a lot."
Seriously, I have a bad habit of making my husband sound like the bad guy. Especially when it came to talking about the move. I didn't word it that "we" decided for the betterment of our family that we were going to move. I did decide to come. He didn't tie me up and toss me on the wing of the plane. I willingly looked at houses, quit my job and drove across the country to our new destination. But, of course, my emotions are not far from the surface so any hurt, fear or pain will always come out somehow. So, my husband isn't an asshole. we are all parts of the society that made us.
"Now, my whole life looks like those barren weeks, and I don’t have the money to run off and write. I am erased again, it seems."
YES, i'm looking for a job to hopefully find purpose outside of dinner, mail, vet appts. YES, I am trying to find my joy and happiness and blah blah blah but seriously, it's hard and tiring and Netflix has a lot of cool programming. and I get tired of being everything for everyone all the time.
"If it involves the kids, finances, health, school, the house, overall social and familial relations, I tend to assume I own it. As in, it is mine. Sure, I can delegate it, but I will then manage the delegation. I will make sure it gets done. I will follow up, because it’s still mine, it’s just parsed out to somebody else temporarily. Ultimately, I feel it is on my shoulders to complete. And in fact, it is. Who the fuck decided that?"Who the fuck indeed! the only "profession" where the manager does all the work and the delegation instead of just the delegation.
so those are my comments. I felt strongly enough to dust off Brumbloggy, take it away from it's usual travel report type to bring you this turn. I've been meaning to kick off the blog with all the freeeeeeee time I have in my new sunny day life! Like my mood, I have no idea what direction this blog will take but I want it to go somewhere. I just loved the title Brumbloggy too much to change it to something else.
