Blogger book club

Is there such thing as a blog post book club? A thing where you read a blog post and it speaks to you and resounds with all the things you want to say that you want to share it with everyone and shake the information into them. So that they say "yes! this is the TRUTH and yes it sucks but I hear it." So that it goes beyond their eyeholes and really sinks in, not just something they read that their sister posted about how hard it is to be a woman. I want to join it! The first meeting would be about this post: https://www.renegademothering.com/2020/01/20/motherhood_invisible_labor/ Can we discuss this or at least acknowledge the realness?! Because when you read a book and then discuss it you just talk about how it made you feel or what you came away with. You don't expect there to be absolute answers or momentous change. And seriously, this shit is not going to change so we might as well vent our little teapots of steam before we lose our minds. And we can read it, feel better and then know that others feel this way too... Here are the parts worth repeating for me: "The truth is I move from resignation to gratitude to rage and back again. I look for words in stolen moments. I give up again. I ask somebody and nobody, “When the fuck did all of this become my job?” This is exactly how I feel a lot of the time and more heightened now that I've moved. I'm floating around like a balloon with all the emotions bumping into things so they get done in time but still full inside. "The most difficult part of talking about the unequal division of domestic labor is that there’s no way to do it without making your husband sound like an asshole. There’s no way to talk about the bulk of the invisible labor on your shoulders without implicating the person you’ve partnered with, are happy with, and love, a lot." Seriously, I have a bad habit of making my husband sound like the bad guy. Especially when it came to talking about the move. I didn't word it that "we" decided for the betterment of our family that we were going to move. I did decide to come. He didn't tie me up and toss me on the wing of the plane. I willingly looked at houses, quit my job and drove across the country to our new destination. But, of course, my emotions are not far from the surface so any hurt, fear or pain will always come out somehow. So, my husband isn't an asshole. we are all parts of the society that made us. "Now, my whole life looks like those barren weeks, and I don’t have the money to run off and write. I am erased again, it seems." YES, i'm looking for a job to hopefully find purpose outside of dinner, mail, vet appts. YES, I am trying to find my joy and happiness and blah blah blah but seriously, it's hard and tiring and Netflix has a lot of cool programming. and I get tired of being everything for everyone all the time. "If it involves the kids, finances, health, school, the house, overall social and familial relations, I tend to assume I own it. As in, it is mine. Sure, I can delegate it, but I will then manage the delegation. I will make sure it gets done. I will follow up, because it’s still mine, it’s just parsed out to somebody else temporarily. Ultimately, I feel it is on my shoulders to complete. And in fact, it is. Who the fuck decided that?"Who the fuck indeed! the only "profession" where the manager does all the work and the delegation instead of just the delegation. 

so those are my comments. I felt strongly enough to dust off Brumbloggy, take it away from it's usual travel report type to bring you this turn. I've been meaning to kick off the blog with all the freeeeeeee time I have in my new sunny day life! Like my mood, I have no idea what direction this blog will take but I want it to go somewhere. I just loved the title Brumbloggy too much to change it to something else. 

Charge Forward

Here we go into 2019 and new things!

Cheat Fest - 2015

It seems it's been three years since we ventured to Cheat Fest. That put Abi at 1 with no interest in McNuggets or camping in general. I felt stuck in the middle of nowhere with little options. I remember that trip being hard because I didn't know what to do with her during the day while David was on the river. For some reason, I thought Hardees was a diner and not a fast food restaurant, so I was planning to take her there for lunch and was crestfallen when I realized it was just a burger joint. We ended up going to Walmart to kill time and it was there that she found her coveted Bears.

Three years later, I decided to plan and prepare and get it right. I spent time gathering info on all the kid-friendly activities. Gauging how far a drive they were. Addresses, hours of operation, where the food was, where the playground was, if it rains, if it's hot, etc. And in the end, Abi just wanted to stay at the campground practically the entire time coloring rocks that she found near the river with marker and eating cheeseballs and playing with the boy a few tents away. I was shocked when she chose staying at the campground and eating pb&j (shelf stable jelly at that) over going to get fries and nuggets.

All week long before we left she woke up asking if it was a school day or if it was time for camping. It is great to have a child who loves camping so much since it's what we do so frequently.

We headed out Thursday night and stayed in a hotel. Abi fell asleep in the car which is something that also hasn't happened willingly and simply for years. Now that she's big enough for the booster she was able to lay against soft things and fall  asleep. David and I thought she was joking at first, pretending to be asleep but her facial features eventually smoothed out and she was out for real.

We pulled into the cheat canyon campground Friday morning and Abi and i set to throwing rocks into the river while david set up (and re set up) camp. We set up in a nice spot next to the Cheat River. Slowly, as the day progressed more and more tents, cars, RVS, camp chairs popped up. David ran the river Friday and Saturday while Abi and i did the camp thing. There was much time spent outside, walking here and there, playing with the random kids, eating snacks, going in and out of the Abi shack, trying to learn to walk on rocks, checking out the festival (face painting and kids crafts).

It was pretty tiring for an adult, frankly. Being under a cloudless, sunny sky with a child with unlimited energy alone for most of the day really drained my enthusiasm. I also found it lonely. All around me were either young men, or older men, or hipster 20-somethings day drinking or just simply existing on a different realm than me. It made me wish for companions - females i can talk to without feeling like i just transferred from a different high school and am trying to win them over.

But, that's the way it is for now. We are the only ones in our group who drags their kid around and tries to live life like it was before just with a plus one.

On a side note, it is amusing how I manage to get in a post every spring but then it all dries up until the next spring. But, the summer is pretty much travel, rinse, repeat. This summer i hope to show Abi the beach. She has grown out of hating anything different touching her feet so we are good with sand now. And it'd be nice to show her Ocean City. I also hope to take her to some amusement parks - she is at the height where she can ride things with a little bit of fun in them. 

Ten days in Western PA - ~2000 miles

The further I get from the wonderful ten days away the harder it is to remember all the things about it.

We decided to try to go away for ten days with Abigail since there was Stony Rendezvous in Johnstown the weekend before memorial day. This would have meant back and forth driving or to just stay out west. We chose the latter.

I remember snippets that make me so happy. One night, Ron and Janet went to celebrate their 30th wedding anniversary and after Abi was asleep it was just David and I with no electronic distractions. We sat at the table and played two rounds of Yahtzee while my ipod played songs that haven't been played in a long time. The shake and clatter of the dice, the quiet music and the two of us thinking our moves out loud was all the night held, too cold for the frogs and bugs to be out yet.

Slowly, over the week, though, a solo, long-winded croon could be heard from some hidden frog. I spied one single lightening bug looking for love while I stared at the fire after David had driven into town for his wi-fi fix.

The first morning at the ranch, the fourth day away, David took Abi to breakfast and then to vacation school (the local daycare we used last year as well). This was the usual pattern for the five weekdays at the ranch. David and Abi would depart while I got to sleep or read or wander around in the morning sun. That first morning I stayed in bed and read. I got up to go to the bathroom and eat some cereal but otherwise I plowed through 1/3 of that book the first day. It was quiet with only an occasionally call from a bird. I did miss my streaming music in these moments. I never realized how much I liked to have it on.


Now back to the routine of work, dinner, TV, bed. Back to sitting all day and night, thinking in my head what I'll do with time when I get it again, not realizing the time is there if the TV goes off. I wore my pedometer while away and reached the goal of 10k steps everyday easily. Tromping around the ranch, walking to the bathroom, back and forth from the fire pit to the chimenea after scrounging any piece of wood I could burn. Being away and coming back has made me long to have a more active lifestyle. Not like mountain biking and marathons but more like one where walking around is done more than ten minutes here and there throughout the day.

Here's some stuff from the trip:

Pickle Backs - A drink of whiskey following by a swallow of pickle juice. Sitting around the fire  with 25 others, the bottle and jar went round and round. Pickle lovers grabbed a gerkin or two before continuing it on. It shows real friendship that almost everyone partook in putting their lips on the glass. Along with pickle backs there was moonshine from Tennessee (obviously), cheese that was either called or from a store called Cheezus of Nazareth. Both the pickle backs and cheese were brought by our friend Jeff, who introduced me to Old Chub scotch ale last year. He is clearly a keeper. And he added to the kayak lexicon "2nd poops" which is when you sometimes have to go again in the morning, so getting ready and leaving for the river is delayed until 2nd poops happens. 

Vacation School - nothing like dumping your child at the local daycare while on vacation. The rational was we wanted to keep her scheduled and also wanted to keep her entertained and climate-controlled. I also wanted to sleep, damnit, which is everything a vacation needs.

Mystical Flames - This was better received than I thought it would be when I bought them. I guess it helps that we are a bunch of hippies who are easily amused. The mystical flames are a packet of chemicals that, when burned, turn the flames blue, green, and purple. They were especially fun when accompanied with the kid's pack of fireworks David picked up on the way back from an excursion to a store in Pittsburgh for specialized Birkenstocks. Every time we pass somewhere that sells fireworks I ask to stop or buy some and am always told no as we continue on our way. David didn't know that I've never lit fireworks and have always wanted to. PA law states that PA residents can't buy fireworks that leave the ground so we were stuck with poppers, screamers, sparklers and so on. near the end we just tossed them in the fire to see what happened.

I worked on my fire apprentice skills all week long, making fires in the chimenea near the deck.
dinners and Rummikube were on the picnic bench. It was nice to eat outside as the sun went down. Of course, a few nights I was granted a Duraflame log to get the fire started. On the night that it was just David and I, I tried to start the fire the old fashion way - with paper towels and a barbecue lighter. The fire lit a while and then died to coals. David and I sat in the dark chatting. He was about to go check the internet when I saw a tiny spark go up. Then, with a small poof, the fire just came back to life from the coals. I still have much to learn but I was super excited to see it come back. I sat, after David had gone, and watched the fire grow and recede and grow and recede along the logs. I stayed up many nights past my bedtime watching the fire, either alone or with company.

Hummingbirds - it was fun to watch the hummingbirds come to the feeder on the deck throughout the day. There were different colored ones and they even started fighting each other over the feeder. I spent time trying to capture the birds mid sip and got some great action shots. While alone on the ranch, with David down at the local outfitter working through his emails, I walked around and noticed things I never noted before. The wind chimes and the stuff squirrel that hung along the house. on Sunday as the sun was coming down Abi and I ventured into the back part of the ranch that I never ventured into before. The light was amazing so you could see me darting for the Abi Shack to grab the camera and darting back so no time was missed.

 Cucumber Falls - Part of being away and not paddling gave us the opportunity to do things we hadn't done before. The rivers were so high that I didn't paddle. The one day I would have paddled I opted for lazing around. David paddled six days out of the ten and he was mighty bored for the other four. Three of the days David paddled were during the Stony Rendezvous while in Johnstown, PA. He paddled Friday, Saturday and Sunday. He got to paddle the Shade Creek and the Stonycreek at high water. I paddled with him on Sunday at a higher level and the water was very cold through my warmer gloves. The other three days he spent on the Stonycreek midweek at normal flow, the Yough at 5.2 feet and then at 3.9 feet. On one of the days he didn't paddle, we went to look at Cucumber Falls, the waterfall that is tucked back near the rapid with the same name. I have passed it many times but never gone to see it, too busy running shuttle, heading to the and from the river, dinner or the ranch. This was the perfect time to see it. You park your car in the small lot and there a short staircase to the waterfall. It was peaceful and pretty. There was dry rock near the top of the fall so I climbed out and sat for a bit. Then we headed back to the ranch to kill time on the porch which gave us three bars on our cell phones. We also showed Abigail the natural waterslides that were roaring with such high water.

Crockpot and pot luck - On Monday I served a popular crockpot meal to Ron and Janet and they loved it. It was decided that I would make it for the group on saturday night when everyone arrived. We also ate well with steaks, potatoes, grilled chicken and tortellini, and of course pizza hut. Cause I am pizza hut lovin'.

Easter weekend - Charlottesville, VA: 537 miles

And here we go. With spring comes traveling, attempted gardening, and the return of more posts on Brumbloggy.

Miles: Roughly 537


First, Abigail's imagination has taken off in the past couple months. Tonight, she talked on her imaginary phone to someone and it was discovered that her "real" mom's name is Haka Laka and she lives in the castle with Abigail. Abigail's name is actually "Flapness Grangle." This was revealed to us a few weeks ago. 

The first trip was down to Charlottesville to visit Gramps. We left on the Thursday before Easter. Now that Abi is older we are able to drive longer distances between stops, entertain her easier and longer (Disney movies), and give her food that is quicker or less time intensive.

Over the weekend we hid and looked for Easter eggs, had the best Mexican we've found, jammed to the electric piano, and went to an egg hunt with face painting and crafts (arts and craps per Abi).  We tried our hand at dying eggs. Abi got the biggest kick out of ringing the doorbell and running up to the side door. It became more evident the need for a real backyard.

Brief Bit of Gauley

Car entertainment

"This is the summer that wasn't." - Ron Samlin over Fourth of July. We were talking about how cold memorial day was and how the temps seemed so mild compared to last year. Ron made this statement and it stuck with me. Come labor day, all the rivers were roaring with water, so rare for the end of the summer where we were lucky if we got in the two foot range on the Yough. And then we approached the third week in September, Gauley fest. Last year we spent five days getting to and from there. David and I paddled and enjoyed the cool mornings and warm days. Gauley, where the water is usually controlled by release from the dam. This week, though, the engineers were dumping what seemed like everything they got. This, along with rain spells caused the rivers, once again to be high and mighty. I had a thought earlier in the week before we left that if it was to be raining, Abi and I would stay home and David could go down without us. But, the report was fine on monday, 70s and sunny. By wednesday, it was to be scattered storms but a low percentage. So, we packed up and headed west and south. We were going to ease into the trip, driving enough hours to get to Abi's naptime and stopping for the day. We checked into a Hampton and the only plans for the rest of the day was swimming in the pool and finding dinner. The next morning we woke to gray skies and drove through intermittent rain. The gloom started to settle on me. What would I do with Abi if it rained all day? We got to Summersville and started making plans with the other kayakers. I scowled at the rain drops hitting the puddles in the gas station lot while we waited for our diner lunch. I knew there was a new bouncy house that just opened but that wouldn't sustain Abi for two days if the rain kept up. After dropping David off to decide his paddling fate with the others, Abi and I went back to the shack for a nap. When she woke up she was more interested in playing with her toys inside, lining up her mickey mouse clubhouse figurines throughout the shack. I noticed that the sky was mostly blue through the slit in the curtains so I had hope that it wouldn't rain the rest of the day.

After a while, I asked if Abi wanted to go to the playground and she did. So, we walked over to the playground within our Battlerun Campground. Last year there was a boy who came out of a nearby tent to play but this year there were no kids in sight. She played for a little while but mostly wanted me to push her in the lazy swing for thirty minutes (those new, fat, plastic swings where kids just sit without doing anything to make it swing. David calls it the parka lounger swing. Google: Special Needs Swings.)

Luckily, all this lounging and lazy swinging passed the time enough to get us to dinner time. Now that Abi likes and has the teeth for pizza, I wanted to try the pizza and ice cream order-at-the-window place down the road. Close to camp made it appealing. We sat and did play-doh for thirty minutes and then ate some pizza before hearing David was off the river. We headed back to the Abi shack and laid inside watching videos on my phone until they drove up. I wanted to build a fire and the car needed gas so David and Abi set off to take a shower while I headed off in search of wood. Unlike the state grounds we are used to, firewood is not easily found in Summersville, but finally another campground was selling wood. So I happily bought two bundles imagining the flames going as big as the metal fire circle would allow. Another annoying thing about this part of the world was that they trust you to pump you gas and pay for it later. Not used to the old days of no credit card swipers I went and stood in line to give them my card only to be told to pump first and then come back. Only a place that sells cold pop would be so 1999 (hehe that's my snarky northeasterner coming out).

Sully is watching us

david driving, abi photgraphing

David texted that there was no hot water in the men's side so when I returned we decided no shower for Abi. He also asked if I got kindling for the wood. Nerp! So, we had starter stuff (lint, cardboard) and two bundles of half wet logs but no kindling. This was shaping up to mirror the great fire starting fail of 2009 (that's a story for another time). So, David put Abi to sleep while I stubbornly tried to rip off pieces of wood from the drier wood to have kindling and tried starting the fire a few times but gave up and took a cold shower (no hot water on the women's side either). He gave the fire a go and a log caught once in a while but it was mostly a loss. We ended up watching Dexter on the DVD player in the dark. A white animal hulked down to the river's edge in the semi-dark and at first glance it looked like those little white dogs with the big fluffy tails. The moon was rising giving light along with the intermittent camp lights along the driveways. Later, david saw it up close as it was sniffing around the Abi shack and it turns out it was an almost all-white skunk.

Abi's Angry face - car selfie

In the morning I emerged from the Abi shack to news that the rain would start at 10 am and go all day. With a check of the river gauge it was decided that we would just try to go back home. So, after arriving a little more than 24 hours before, we packed up and hauled north and east. The rain started shortly after 9 and we stayed mostly ahead of the tumult that was heading northeast as well. We stopped at a burger king in northern west virginia to let abi run a bit in the indoor play structure and then at a walmart in maryland for her nap. David popped the shack up and Abi and I napped in the parking lot while it rained and the wind blew against the walls. And then we started the home stretch. I sat in the back and got plenty car sick trying to keep Abi happy. She watched Monsters Inc at least four times in the two day span of traveling we did.

We made it home by bedtime on saturday night. Gave Abi a bath (she was done with it after I washed her) and told her stories while she laid on her belly with her bear tucked under her arm. It was a disappointing trip but maybe we'll have better luck next year.

And that's how you write a post about a whole lotta nothing

Labor day 2013 Yough Trip

Reading back on last year's yough trip, I can see the evidence that it's easier this year. Last year we still put up the black sheet to coax Abi to sleep as we drove through the night to get to the campsite, but still took 7+hours. We couldn't drive very long before having to stop at a sit down place for dinner. Now, at 2.5, abi no longer sleeps in the car, hope as we might. But, she does eat a wider variety of crap food like pizza from Sheetz and McDs so we can keep driving and make better time. We set out at 3:00 and arrived around 9:00 - a mere six hours and in time for it to be fully dark. She got to see the stars for the first time and be able to acknowledge them. She walked over and said, "Look at the stars! aww boodiful."

This is all you get in Ohiopyle. BBQ and meat, meat, meat.

Heavy rain hit the region before we arrived and all the waterways were full to bursting. The yough was three times bigger than what we usually run. This allowed the creeks and smaller rivers to open up. David took the opportunity to run the Stonycreek at a higher level and to run the Lower Big Sandy which he hasn't run since we were married. Meanwhile, still in my vacation mindset from a prior week off from work, I poked and maintained the campfire for the majority of one day. My hair still smells like campfire. our clothes needed two runs through the wash to get it out.

Another day, I went to the closest large town 30 minutes away and the day was over before i knew it. I had no interest in gearing up and riding waves. My ankle was still sore from a twist so i wasn't interested in the what if river scenarios with a tender foot. This really made for a great weekend though. i loved not having to stick to a real plan except to pick abi up from the rural daycare David found. This gave us the option to paddle together if we wanted and gave Abi the ability to have toys and AC all day. Campers made plans of what they'd be doing while i walked between the wood pile and the fire all day, skirt pulled up from my ankles through the dewy grass. Janet made a comment that i truly was a fire bug to be hanging around the fire in the humid summer heat. I hadn't even noticed it until she mentioned it but then i noticed i had a nice sheen of sweat. Yet, i wanted that fire to be bigger and wider. We had it roaring at one point with all the brush that had been cleared out.

I guess i should stop talking about fire. it was really fun though to have that time to myself to delegate. i took a break from keeping the fire to see about a cake down in Ohiopyle. having done the thirty minute trip already that trip i was not interested in doing it again unless we had to.

people are always asking where we go to camp and never seem to know what i'm talking about even though i've been going there for eight years now and saying the same things:

Abi has to get a gumball every time we are in the Falls Market

them: where you going?
Me:to the yough
them:Where's that?
Me:Ohiopyle state park
them:Where's that?
Me:near somerset
them: (blank look)
Me: five hours away. 

I realize now that it seems silly to expect people to know where this is but i figured everyone had at least heard of somerset since Flight 93 went down there. or i at least figure they'd google it after the first time we have the conversation. I've decided that  from now on i'll just say the "pittsburgh poconos" for those who are from around the philly area.

Quaint Ohiopyle - not near ohio as much as 20 minutes from west virginia - in the Laurel Highlands. Once off the turnpike the 45 minute drive down two lane country roads is pleasant if you aren't stuck behind a slow driver. There are rolling hills and country homes.There is plenty of outdoorsy things to do - bike, raft, kayak, as the sign suggests. There are campgrounds, motels, inns, b&bs in and around town. The area has been using grant money from the state and have really been building it up into a cutesy family friendly place. They've added more parking, a playground, putt putt, a new overlook of the falls, and just an overall face-lift. The town is crawling with people on weekends. I never knew until i spent days not kayaking. So, everyone should come and support their local economy.

One of the fun parts of camping at the ranch is the communal food. Everyone brings something to share. This time, there was a vast saturday cookout with baby back ribs, chicken,chili, and salmon. Then, there was dishes like pasta and quinoa and bean chili for the vegetarians. People drove up and the ranch was filled to the brim with subaru and honda and SUV of all kinds all decked with boats of all colors. Abi hung as long as she wanted and then asked to go to sleep. It's quite amazing for a child to ask to go to sleep in the summer when there's so much going on. Perhaps she's an introvert and needs to recharge on her own. This may be evident in that she wanted to hang out by our camper while everyone else was hanging out by the fire ring. She wanted to play the game where one of us pretends to fall asleep and the other scares them awake.

Abi plays ball with Polo

While everyone else was at the fire, Abi wanted to sit "right here"

That night we all ate till we were extremely full in belly and soul. The best worst joke of the night was exuberantly and drunkenly proclaimed by our friend Charlie:

"A man walks into a bar... no a McDonald's...whatever you like. He says, 'i'll have a rum....................and coke.' the bartender says,'whats with the long pause?' and he says, 'I've always had them.'



oh by the way, it was a bear."

This will probably be my non-sequitor from now on.

Shots shot